Beyond Cotton Ball Sheep

As I type this, the Pittsburgh Steelers are playing their first game of the season. If you’ve never lived in Pittsburgh, you might not understand how momentous this event is. Everywhere I went today, people wearing Steelers apparel outnumbered those of us in plainclothes. Strangers on the bus struck up conversation about the home team. I just went out on a few errands, and there is no one on the streets: everyone is home watching the game. Around the Super Bowl last year, no fewer than six people sent me a version of the Lord’s Prayer ending with the stirring words “A-Ben.” This is the town where a local restaurant advertises its $2.75 “Roethlisburger”: “give us three dollars, and we’ll give you a quarter back.” At church, we all have a copy of the Steelers schedule in our offices - not so much so we will know when to watch the game, but so that we don’t make the terrible error of scheduling an afternoon event that coincides with a 1 p.m. kickoff.

We have gotten into the informal habit of kicking off our education program year the Sunday after Labor Day. Last year, that meant September 7. But when I consulted my handy Steelers schedule, I realized a Big Problem: September 7 was also the Steelers home opener. At 1 p.m., no less.

I quickly determined that there was no way I could compete with the Black & Gold. But neither was I going to delay the Smithfield School opener. Instead, I would have a Steeler-themed Rally Day, a kick-off themed kick-off. And, for an extra challenge, I would figure out some way to have a Steeler celebration that was not completely secular. Here’s what I came up with:

I decorated the social hall with gold and black balloons, gold and black streamers, and big signs that said “Here we go, Smithfield, here we go!” I publicized the event with a football-themed bulletin board. (I got that idea here.) And I even decorated myself: I came to church with ponytails, pompoms, and my first-ever Steelers t-shirt. (This was an important milestone, since I was raised a New England Patriots fan.) As families entered the church, they first turned in (or filled out) registration forms for the kids at a welcome desk, made name tags, then entered the social hall, where they helped themselves to some gameday-style snacks.

To get everyone’s attention, I began by waving my pompoms and chanting “Here we go, Smithfield, here we go!” Gradually, everyone joined in. Once attention was gained, I said this:

Welcome, everyone, to this kick-off Sunday for our brand new Smithfield School year! Today begins a new year of growing together in faith. It begins a new season of coming together for class each Sunday morning at 9:45, making new friends and learning new things. And there’s something else that’s happening today, too, isn’t there? This afternoon? Oh right - the Steelers are kicking off, too! So in their honor, today we are throwing a black and gold party for Smithfield School. Let’s begin with a song; you have the song sheets on your chairs.

With piano accompaniment from our generous music staff, we sang a modified version of the spiritual “Guide My Feet.” The verses went like this:
1.) Guide my feet while I run this race …
2.) Guide my arm while I throw this pass …
3.) Guide my mind while I learn at school …

Next, I called forward the Smithfield School teachers and assistants; we laid hands on them and commissioned them for their important work. This part did not have a direct foodball tie-in, but I think that was forgivable.

Then, we divided up into three groups, dividing by birthday (January-April in one group, May-August in the next, September-December in the last) so that families would be mixed up with the single people. Each group moved to a different part of the social hall to play a game; I blew a whistle when it was time to rotate to the next station.

I staffed the field-goal kicking station, which I decorated with a sign featuring Philippians 3:14: “I press on towards the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.” I asked a Bible trivia question (most of which I made up on the spot, so they could be tailored to each child’s age - for one very little child, I simply said, “Does Jesus love you?”) to each participant; if they answered correctly, they earned the chance to kick a field goal and win a prize. The prizes were Steelers/football themed goodies from the party store: some temporary tattoos, pencils, erasers, and some candy too. The inflatable goal post was a significant investment, but I figured that with a football-crazy church like ours, this wouldn’t be the last time it gets used.

Meanwhile, another group played “pin the logo on the helmet,” which was decorated with Ephesians 6:17a: “Take the helmet of salvation.” Pretty self-explanatory.

The third game was a “fill the font race,” where teams relay-raced across the room using small cups of water to fill a larger bowl. This was a big hit. The text for this was 1 Corinthians 9:24: “Do you not know that in a race the runners all compete, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win it.”

Once all the groups had visited all the games, everyone returned to their seats, and I dismissed them to a shortened first class session, to get to know one another and meet their teachers. Or, as I put it in my notes for the day: “Now, families bring your kids upstairs and get them signed in. Adults can go directly to the library. Liddy can go directly to the loony bin.”

This year’s kick-off is this coming Sunday, September 13. In honor of the G-20, our theme is “God’s Global Community.” Expect world maps, “The Whole World’s In God’s Hands” (thanks, Lesley Clare, for those inclusive-language lyrics!) and the grand opening of our labyrinth. If you’re in town, come join us!